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02:42am 13/04/2006
mood: confused
i saw a picture:

and all that's left in this world of goodness is sepia-tinted and fraying at the edges with a longing hint of perfume and a stray curl of smoke that slowly wisps its way to a ceiling glazed with warm, slow, light. and for a moment, all of it forgotten by a pair enfolded gently in its, their, embrace . . .

its not quite right, but a picture's worth a thousand . . . .
10:36pm 11/04/2006
mood: tired
la la la

income taxes are boooh.

i just got done viewpointing with a flashlight eyed monster, a ball of yarn, a tv that cracks open to reveal the angel of death, and the chicken dance.

i DARE you to respond to that. i effing dare you.

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03:18am 28/09/2005
mood: melancholy
so i'm back.
and my head is about to explode.


September 28,29, October 4,5,6 at 7 pm
September 30, October 1 at 8 pm
October 2 at 2 pm
@ Taylor Theatre
why? because it's sexy. that's why.

that's why. plus, i hate women. except two of you. you know who you are.
hey boys and girls   
02:16am 12/07/2005
mood: good
my fox is happy to see you.

for the record, fuck colds.

i'm really grumpy. a lot.

my cat looks like a rumpled gentleman.

coffee doesn't taste the same if you re-heat it.

i like having reasons to smile, especially if they're secret reasons.

just because you're famous and someone wants you to do a comic-book movie doesn't mean you look good in tight spandex.

bill o'reilly is a raging idiot. and i think he knows it. i think he wakes up sweating at night thinking, jesus, i hope no one knows that i'm as stupid and blinded and close-minded as i know i am. and i bet he can't get it up either. and i bet if he did, it'd be really short.

i don't think the livejournal music space should be that small. because i never finish an entry listening to the same song as i started it on.
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02:56am 01/07/2005
  its the moment after you wake up
like you were punched, hard, in the gut
and you can't get the image out of your head
and only half of you wants to
because your conscience
your guilt, your whole
needs to vent that guilt that has crawled up your leg
and bit you hard where it hurts

so you lie there, wincing and reveling
because you know if you stop thinking about it
you'll feel guilty for ducking the debt your incurred
and you relive every mistake you ever made
just so you can sleep again. eventually.

maybe one day you can just sleep
12:01am 28/05/2005
  a - cary is boring.

b - i'm already sick of cinderella man, and only partially because its called cinderella man.

c - i KNOW that all those women on the 1-900 numbers are NOT the people on the other side of the phone.

d - milla jovovich in The Fifth Element is adorable. i mean, she's always adorable, but she just wins in the fifth element.

e - new, better tasting doritoes taste a lot like old, apparently lousy tasting doritoes.

f - there has never been a good old navy ad. there never will be a good old navy ad.

g - i just redefined my lifegoal. i want to be a housepet for a wealthy woman in new york city so's i can be petted between auditions.
09:58pm 26/05/2005
  they televise models in bathing suits wrestling in small, inflatable swimming pools filled margarita mix. frozen margarita mix. seriously. they wrestle in it.

and the proceeds go to breast cancer research.

i say save the boobies any way we can.
That's right. I'm a fairy. deal with it. but i still like girls.   
12:03am 06/05/2005
What type if Fairy are you?
by demoncitten
What is your name?
Your Fairy Type is:Dark
Your color is:Pale Blue
Your Symbol is:Clock
Your Weapon is:A ruby-handled long sword
Your lover is most likely a:Earth Fairy
Quiz created with MemeGen!
12:30am 29/04/2005
  the air feels is heavier now
a subtle, taut pressure, maybe a reminder
maybe a guilty aftertaste
maybe the weight of age
maybe its just the humidity

its easier to sleep
easier to breathe
and nice to know you're awake again
maybe its being older than you are

its not the liquer talking, and i can prove it
its something deeper, and i wish it was angrier, but
i'm too tired for that now, and i'd rather lie
and pretend i'm not angry at all.

right up to my eyes, i'll pretend. a little.
but you'll know. because i'm not hiding it.
especially from you
12:17am 29/04/2005
  maybe its funny to watch someone else squirm, i dunno. yeah, i know, i always do this. its the end of the semester, and i'm happy to say it ended better than the last one, but hey, go figure.
yeah, but i've spent this one watching a bunch of different people's crap from the sidelines, and i'm really kind've sick of it (the crap, not the watching), because i see a lot of attractive people, a lot of talented people, a lot of smart people, and not anywhere near as many decent people. i guess being nice isn't fashionable, or something.

but anyway, i'm sick of it.

02:10am 07/04/2005
  i don't do this anymore unless i can't sleep, and i don't know why i can't sleep most of the time. i've been far too busy lately to have the luxury of not sleeping, and even so, here i am.
i really genuinely love being the kind of person who likes to make other people happy, under the right circumstances. and lately, its been that way, except i overextended myself a little, and i realize that i can't do everything i said i could. so i backed out of one thing, and that was my little admission to normalcy, and normally, that'd be cool, and everything, but i realize now that it wasn't enough, and its way too late to fix it. and its not like i'm really swamped, or that i'm worse off than everyone else, because i'm not, and if i was it'd be my fault, but i'm just really frustrated with a lot of small things right now, the kind of frustrated that you can stomach, but resent it the whole time. and its not all disasters, some of them little, simple things, that just happen, like cars breaking down, and cell phones lost, but people being genuinely stupid, and thoughtless, trying to monopolize on someone else's misery without a thought, to people taking advantage of a simple offer and blowing it up on you, to people desperately trying so very passionately to force something that should just be allowed to be, and people in positions of authority being absolutely infuriatingly innapropriate, but so misguidedly so that you almost can't blame them, but want to desperately, to more little stupid things, like dirty dishes in the sink that your roomate hasn't cleaned up for some silly, but ultimately justifiable reason. so many thousand stupid things have come up these last two weeks, and i've been calmly watching them pile up and pretending they don't matter, and trying to relax, and ignore them, sleeping and playing instead of dealing, and it just caught up, when i was laying in bed, trying to relax, and then the wheels turning, and the planning, and the plotting, and all of the sudden, wide bloody awake and worrying about all the stupid things that are SO much worse at 2:00 than they ever will be again. i really dearly love and adore overintellectualization.

i really hope i haven't offended anyone this time.

at least in the dark you can't see the landscape rushing past
and you know its there, and you see it, but you don't really
so you roll down the windows so you can hear it
and the wind maybe tells you, but if you want to
you can ignore it, and all you see, really
is a stream of light, and a tiny patch to focus on
so you do, and the rest becomes this funny blur
and two minutes later, you forget it was ever there.
my advice is, don't run off the road.
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11:37pm 04/04/2005
  University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (W) 75 > University of Illinois 70

     Read 2 - Post
08:34pm 03/04/2005
  my boys won. yay. its exciting. also, see Monsoon Wedding if you haven't. its bwilliant. woorah. plus, i got an easter basket. yay.

my life is so boring.


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08:40am 18/03/2005
Bacardi 151
Congratulations! You're 146 proof, with specific scores in beer (80) , wine (116), and liquor (104).

All right. No more messing around. Your knowledge of alcohol is so high
that you have drinking and getting plastered down to a science. Sure,
you could get wasted drinking beer, but who needs all those trips to
the bathroom? You head straight for the bar and pick up that which is
most efficient.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 84% on proof
You scored higher than 90% on beer index
You scored higher than 98% on wine index
You scored higher than 96% on liquor index
Link: The Alcohol Knowledge Test written by hoppersplit on Ok Cupid
something fishy in denmark   
08:24am 18/03/2005
mood: awake - blargh
so, its 8:16 and i can't sleep, which is the latest in a run of things that are just bizarre. also, it was snowing, and like, er, sticking yesterday, and i still had three classes. i ran my tiny revolution by only going to one. down with the man.

oh yeah, so i was wondering if anyone other than the person who pointed out to me realizes that st. patrick's day is a religious holiday. small comparison: we don't run out to the bars christmas eve, and end up arm in arm with some sweaty bald stranger singing lewd limerick's about how you know that mary well she got knocked up all by herself, wink wink, and etc, etc . . .

but anyway, i suppose we may as well, because after all st. valentine really had very little to do with sex, or love for that matter. actually, st. patrick and that whole blarney thing may have more to do with kissing, which means we've crossed our saint wires, and so . . . er, i confused myself.

though my sense of perspective results in MUCH more offense taken at the lack of snow delays, so if you were trashed off your ass, i still love you. yes, you. no, i mean you. mike. you. mike? MIKE???? STOP DROOLING ON THE TABLE, YOU DRUNKEN FOOL!!!

i get to go watch a children's play with a bunch of "my shit is cooler than you" middle-schoolers. i'm totally excited. there's nothing like a bunch of moody apathetic kids to wake you up.

i'm going to go shower.
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09:14pm 24/02/2005
  the oc rules  
08:38pm 14/02/2005
mood: scrunched up

eet's beeen a whiiiiiile.

so yeah, all that business with the not sleeping and the work and the drama and etc . . . yeah.
but its ok, 'cause i like the get-up kids
i hope they like me back some day.

having good grades and keeping busy sure is tiring and as the results are not immediately tangible, i'm thinking about dropping into an alchoholic stupor and waking up smelling like a fraternity carpet. Well, not that bad.
only i'm not really. i'd just like a vacation or something. or maybe a live band. i like live bands. bathe them and bring them to me. all of them. all the live bands. bathed, and presented.

oh yeah happy v-day kids and neighbors and distant relations and crazy nizzles.

black and stars and days breaking
and the scent of a new morning
and the early morning breeze through the
seedy grey of the sky
the fog breaks patchy, and that hardly seems to matter
so i walked down this street, where we always are
and one of the stores had changed; boxes piled up
and the chairs stacked on tables, and i thought
didn't we want to go there once?
i think we did.

i'm thinking about everything, and how its too bad
because it really is too bad, and i suspect
that won't be the last time its heard
and i know i will tire of it
before this day goes down in the west
and you i'm more sure of
i wish we could trace this back to someone's mistake
not for the blame
but because i'd like to undo it somehow
but its a dirty web where every word and action
and pain and fault sticks together in a
vicous and impossible puzzle that can only
be undone by being left to itself.
left to bleed it feels like
or left to die, but really its like
the scabs we never stopped picking.

with us, scars have something to pride yourself on
a pain seen and suffered and conquered and healed
a bettering, a beating, a success. and thank god for that
and thank god we don't wear it like a nametag.
except for each other.
i look in your eyes at my, our handiwork.
at least we're good at what we do.

and at least you're still around to look at.
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05:08am 24/01/2005
mood: confused
its awfully early and i can't seem to go to sleep, and i'm wondering if nyquil is still really actually nyquil.

so this weekend was fun/crazy/great/insane/bizarre. thanks for everyone who made it that way.

i have to get up in 3 hours, and i'm really not looking forward to that at all. but i have coffee, and my own stubborness. maybe i'll just pull an all-nighter, take a nap sometime, drink coffee, etc . . .

i'm really not sure about the long term consequences of anything anymore, and i'm beginning to realize that much like everything else, there is no way to gain control without first surrendering the same. and since control over anything is an illusion, and usually based entirely on permission in the first place, it doesn't really matter anyway, except maybe as a controlling psychological factor.

and then again, we may have nyquil talking.

i'm going to bed.
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05:56am 23/01/2005
  the . . . best . . . party . . . ever . . . i hate it for those of you that left before 10. i'm sorry, and next time, stick around. because it was the shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. much love.

drunken james.
03:09am 19/01/2005
mood: frustrated
this semester is starting to get to me, and not in a terrible way, but not in a good way either. to the point where i'm getting crabby, and i don't like being crabby.

alternatively it may have to do with not sleeping. but who can sleep anyway.

its too cold to function outside, and that's just boring. its not even romantically cold anymore. and i feel stolid in a way that i haven't for a long time. so on the whole, i'm fwusterwated. i guess its kind've like cabin fever. but what with the shootings AND the cold, i'm leaving my cabin for very good reasons only.

i'm so ready to get started and its starting so slowly that i just want to scream, but i think i'll just stay crabby and get shitfaced this weekend, and try to do something stupid, just to alleviate some boredom.

love is a temple
love the higher love
love is a temple
love the higher love
you're asking me to enter
then you make me crawl
but i can't keep holding on
when all you got is her

i don't know where you're coming from
and i don't know where you're coming to
and i don't know what she means to me
and you don't know what she means to you

and as per request:

three hours of sleep and three days of stubble
and your sun rises on my horizon again
just like it always does, but you make the night
so dark i don't see the dawn to come, inevitable as it might be
and so i look to the lamp for light to scratch long into the night
my words that may or may not be rotting as i write them
and so much else to see, so much else to look to
and i can see nothing but the dent you made in my resolve
and the hair that you cut
somehow, against all my logic, i feel more alone in company
than ever i was before, ever during the fights, the nights,
the empty days of nothing, and closer to the man i was supposed
to be from the beginning that i never managed to see
and my father must be disapointed in the way that i've
never managed to hit square on his mark
and you must be disapointed that i missed yours
but i'm awfully glad of the marks, the scars, the dents the scratches
i've accrued all told, you and them and every trip and fall
i'm not even ashamed of failure any more, but who would be
given the greatest of mine. i suppose its a relief that given
my past my future can never be anything but brighter
and the sun is up, and i realize this is just the opposite of
what you said, but its my words and my actions and
i just hope you understand me now.